


The Present Matters Most

by ThatWasntSoBad



Series: Phoenix Shepard/Kaidan Alenko [7]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Gen, a little hurt/comfort, fluff is at the very end, phoenix has some wisdom for her youngest sister at any rate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:08:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27596651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatWasntSoBad/pseuds/ThatWasntSoBad
Summary: Phoenix Shepard returns from Omega after a few days of dealing with Adjutants. Her youngest sister, Kassandra, requires Phoenix's infamous wisdom to find a healthier coping mechanism than 'worry yourself to death', a complete juxtaposition to Kaidan's greeting.
Relationships: Female Shepard and sibling, Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard
Series: Phoenix Shepard/Kaidan Alenko [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1720840
Comments: 4
Kudos: 2





	The Present Matters Most

“This is where we part ways.”  
  
“Thanks for the ride, Bray.” Phoenix passed the Batarian a credit chip as she opened the door. “That’s enough for you to get a little something to eat, right?”

“You surprise me every time you show up, Shepard.”

She cracked a laugh. “Someones got to prove to you Batarians Humans are far better than we’re given credit for.”

“I’m sure you’ve done that for many of us on Omega.”

Phoenix clambered out the car, wincing a little at the bruise to her leg when she caught it on the edge of the doorframe. “Whether I have or not is something you’ll be finding out far sooner than I. Don’t forget to say hi to Aria for me.”

“She’ll be delighted to hear from you so soon.” A tilt from the head from the Batarian. “Thanks for the help on Omega.”

“Anytime.”

The door closed and Phoenix threw back a wave as she began to walk to the lift at the opposite end of the bay. She shoved her hands into her hoodie pockets when Bray drove post, back to his ship to return to Omega.

It was _always_ a relief to be off the carved out Asteroid, but now ‘relief’ was an understatement. Phoenix could finally breathe. Although the generic sound of creaking and spotting Keepers working in vents put her on edge temporarily, it was only for a couple of seconds. Not for _hours_ at a time. It felt divine to be away from Adjutants and Cerberus stupidity.

Bright, sleek walls instead of dark, cramped halls. Lawful behaviours, mostly, instead of gangs and, well, Terminus folk. Not that they were bad people by any means, she just didn’t want to have a gun on her hip at all hours of the day with her back far too straight and her senses on constant high alert.

Omega before Cerberus got there wasn’t terrible. That was, of course, unless you were people like her. ‘Good’ people. ‘Heroes’ and ‘saints’. Unless you were poor, forced into cramped living conditions and any complaint got you a slap. But Aria was ruthless and kept Omega safe. Mostly. And now that the Asari had realised how important the people are that make Omega what it is, Phoenix hoped they’d be treated better at last. If America could do it, eventually, so could Omega.

 _If_ it survived the Reapers. If _anyone_ survived the Reapers.

 _And if Cerberus_ ** _created_** _those things on Omega? What else were they up to?_ Phoenix walked into the lift and pressed The Presidium button as she sighed at the questions that didn’t leave. Ones she wished to leave behind on that damn rock of a colony. Why wouldn’t they just leave? Why was she _always working?_

Being on The Normandy again wouldn’t stop her from working, but perhaps it would set her back on track. Cerberus was a priority interlinked with The Reapers, sure, but the organisation wasn’t her _top_ priority. She’d find her answers soon enough. Whether she wanted them or not.   
Phoenix wished to see faces of friends and family in the hope it would reset her mind and put Omega to rest for a little while.

Even a few days.

She wanted to be in bed, she wanted to shower. For the first time in a few months, she wanted Chakwas to stitch her up and share whatever gossip was going around the ship. She wanted to know if Minerva and Garrus were still doing alright or if they’d messed up something and were trying to come up with a valid excuse. She wanted to know if James was holding up alright. If Vega and Cortez were still having friendly banters in engineering. If Kassandra was settling better than before the Coup, now that she’d been given a moment to breathe.

Lift music echoed within her brain, cutting through her thoughts when it chimed to signify her arrival at her destination. She didn’t mind it, humming along to it in a faintly joyous haze more often than not. She found it continuing on as she stepped out the lift, legs feeling a little strange from the change of gravity within the compartment.

The sound of shoppers and passers-by had never sounded so welcoming to her. They were enjoying life - even with the knowledge that at every mass relay theirs led to there were Reapers lying in wait.

As she headed to the other side of The Presidium, towards the lift that led to Docking Bay D26, a few people wanted to take a picture with her. At that point, she was more than willing even though she hated her photo being taken. If it sparked joy in people, especially the kids, she wasn’t going to complain. It was more than just humans, but nearly every species in the galaxy wanted a photo.

She’d probably been tagged in at least twenty photos that past week, and she remembered every story she was told.

When she finally managed to cross a short bridge that left the embassies behind her, Phoenix noted someone familiar sat on a bench with a coat draped over her lap. The royal blue item was more distinctive as she got closer and the teen looked up. Eyes met and suddenly the person stood, abandoning her coat, and ran

Running way too fast for Phoenix to have a chance of stabilising herself before she was caught in a tight hug that sent her off-balance for a moment.

Black hair was freshly washed, a scent reminiscent of L’Oreal shampoo and conditioner, and she caught the gentle aroma of cherry blossom and aquaflora from her perfume. Phoenix returned the hug, caring very little that the sleeve of her hoodie was getting soaked until she felt the damp upon her bare forearm, and rested her free hand upon the teen’s head.

“I’m -”

“You’re not okay, though.” Kassandra interrupted Phoenix. “You’re exhausted, you sound like you’ve been screaming so loud your _voice_ is croaky and gravely like you’re recovering from _another_ throat infection or something.” She let go and took a step back. “You look like you’ve just walked through Tartarus, you have a limp when you walk.” Phoenix smiled as Kassandra walked back to her coat and a bag, following her as she continued to talk. “Kaidan might as well have worn the _floors_ down, Minerva’s been at the shooting range way too much for it to be healthy, James and Joker downed coffee like they were trying to get drunk, Cega’s gotten another thirty tattoos, Garrus is _sane_ in comparison to Minerva for once -” She threw a look back at Phoenix. “What you laughing at? This is serious! I’ve started going grey and my life’s been shaved in half, you didn’t _pinky promise_ you’d come back like last time and -”

Kassandra huffed. “You could have died and it would have been eighty-four all over again. It’s nothing to laugh at.” She looked away, walking a few steps ahead, arms enclosed around herself. “Sometimes I _hate_ how bloody compassionate you are, how you see mto not know what _no_ means. It’s going to get you killed one day.”

Phoenix sighed, unable to think of anything that would make the seventeen-year-old feel better. What could she say? There was nothing _to_ say other than clichés and pie-crust promises, easy to make and easy to break.

Still, she jogged up to her sister and fell into the same stride. Honesty was something Kassandra appreciated. “You’re right. But if I had said no, thousands of people would have died. I wanted to bring you guys but Aria’s turf, Aria’s rules. And knowing what was going on, I’m glad you weren’t there to see it. You wouldn’t have come out sane.”

“How would you know?”

“Because I helped _raise_ you. I _know_ you, Kassandra.” Phoenix raised her voice slightly, a response to Kasandra raising her own. It wasn’t a shout. It wasn’t a yell. But it was just enough to hold some semblance of authority. “I know what you’re like with husks, I know how you react whenever you see a video from last year involving scions. The _things_ on Omega? Reaper forces handcrafted by Cerberus. They’re a disease. You get bit, you turn into one. Barriers, armour, biotics. They’re hunters, come out of nowhere. All those zombie films? They were real on Omega. I saw children dead on the streets. It was no place for a seventeen-year-old to be.”

“Neither’s a Reaper Invasion.”

“A Reaper Invasion was unavoidable and with me, you’re far safer than on the front lines. But taking you onto Omega was avoidable. Even if I was allowed, I never would have taken you with me. Nor any of our family. You guys needed space to breathe.” Phoenix stopped Kassandra. She moved her out of the way of the path and gently held her sister’s face. “I know, you think it selfish and everyone was worried. I know. But this is part of my job. It comes with the territory. Constantly thinking of the possibility of death isn’t an option - that risk is everywhere. Especially now.”

“But -”

“I’m alive right now. When in doubt, focus in on the present. Not the past or the future, nor the what could happen and the what could have been. But the here and now.”

Kassandra frowned. “Is that what you do? Is… Is that what you did when Kaidan was in hospital? When I had been involved in that eezo crash and when Rowan was in a coma? When James was missing? When Mindoir happened? Did you focus on the present?”

Phoenix moved her hands to Kassandra’s shoulders.”As best I could. Mindoir was different, of course, I was sixteen. But I couldn’t afford to think of the past or the future. I wasn’t just running for my life, but for Rowan’s and Minerva’s. Then later yours. When Rowan was in a coma, it was a little harder, always discussing old memories of him. But he wasn’t dead. There was still that chance. So I took it one day at a time, one hour at a time. Unless I was told he was dying, he was recovering. You were different - I got to you and you were awake, no need for an induced coma. You were fine for the most part. Of course I was worried, but at that moment, I had nothing to be afraid of. You were alive and awake and smiling. You were more worried than I was.”

“What about Mars though?”

Her hands fell from Kassandra and returned to their safety within her pockets. Of course. Marsh. The Incident that no one wanted to ask her about. The one she didn’t like discussing, still far too fresh in her memory for her to block out enough to keep emotions reasonably checked.

Phoenix looked away for a brief moment where she sighed. “Kaidan… The Incident… it was different. Unlike Rowan where I was in another town when it happened, I was right there. I carried him to the medbay. I took it upon myself to keep his temperature in check, stop any bleeding, regularly checking his pulse. I never left his side. We got to the citadel and I was still in my armour - didn’t have my weapons on and I was allowed through considering the situation. But the first thing the paramedics said as they started taking him away was that he barely had a pulse.” She felt the slight sting to the back of her eyes, the slight tightness of her throat. “I had managed to keep his pulse relatively strong, but those final thirty minutes were hard. Hearing that he barely had a pulse was -” she took a moment to regain a semblance of control, staring somewhat blankly to the side before she continued - “it was hard. I had just spent three or so hours struggling to latch onto hope, because he still had a pulse, to a crash. He was essentially d-” she ran a somewhat frustrated hand down her face in another attempt to regain her composure. “He was dying.”

“But you still followed the doctor, right? Even though he could have died on the way to the hospital?”

“Yeah. The council could go screw themselves, I had every intention of seeing Kaidan first. Commander Bailey saying I had time to was a relief. So I went, numb and expecting bad news, and wasn’t surprised to see Chakwas or Doctor Michelle. Doctor Michelle told me the type of injury he had could go either way, but he was stable and she was confident he’d recover. I was back in a territory where I could have some inkling of hope. Before then, if I wasn’t taking care of Kaidan I was revisiting the incident. That would lead to a downward spiral of ‘ _oh my god he’s going to die’_ and crying because it was _my_ fault it happened. Therefore it would be _my_ fault that we never made up.”

Kassandra leaned into Phoenix again. “So now you two have made up, what do you focus on at present?”

“Not taking a single second for granted.” Phoenix rubbed Kassandra’s back in a gentle circle, more so for her own comfort. “On and off the battlefield. No one can estimate or predict when death will happen. If someone we love will lose their life or if we will. Especially now. So I don’t want to see you honing in on eighty-four as a basis for my chance of survival, destroying yourself in the process okay? You can be worried and afraid, that’s natural. But no comparison, alright?”

Kassandra hummed. “Okay. I’ll fail sometimes but I’ll try.”

“Trying and failing is better than not giving it a go.”

“Yeah.” Kassandra stepped back again. “At any rate, the crew would be delighted to see you’re back in one piece and the Major’s going to be a _very_ happy man to see you.”

Phoenix almost snorted as they started walking again. “You sound like you think he’s going to do more than give me a hug. Been reading more romance fics again where the hero comes home and their love gives them a hug and a smooch and a tumble in the bedsheets?”

“No. Just something Joker said.”

“Never get your romance fix from Joker. He messes with you.”

“So you and Kaidan never, like, kissed when you came out of the wreckage or on Horizon?”

“No!” Phoenix practically laughed. “Came out the wreckage, walked down some stairs and basically collapsed by the time I got to Anderson from blood loss, and on Horizon it was just a hug.”

Kassandra screwed up her face. “I’m going to kill that damn pilot.”

“Please don’t, he’s the only one we got.” Her comment earned a laugh from Kassandra, her face relaxing. “As an apology from me for worrying you, what say I treat you to some dessert from Apollo’s? I hear their chocolate fudge cake is the best on the Presidium.”

“Oh no you don’t - I’m taking you to your boyfriend.” Kassandra took Phoenix by the bend of her elbow. “And then I’ll take the others out for some dinner so you two can have some privacy. Uncle said he’s paying anyways -”

“So Uncle’s taking you lot out to dinner.”

Kassandra smiled sheepishly. “Yeah. But he’s already made you enough food to last a fortnight -”

“I thought he was on deployment.”

“That’s tomorrow he’s out again. He put it off for as long a possible so he could fill our stomachs with good food. Anyways,” she quietened and tugged Phoenix into a side alley, waiting patiently as Minerva and Garrus walked along whilst holding hands, talking about sniper rifles as if that was their only form of entertainment. “Okay, so you should head to Uncle’s place. I’m gonna call him and tell him to go into plan C.”

“Plan -”

“Doesn’t matter, just run as best as your limp can handle.”

And then Kassandra was off and Phoenix let out a sigh, returning to walking and activating her omni-tool. She’d just call Kaidan, let him know she was on The Presidium now that she had the time.

She was too tired to play into her Uncle’s hands. And her arrival was hardly secret with the ten posts she’d already been tagged in according to the notifications that littered the screen of her tool.

____

Ten minutes was all it took for her to get to the docking bay D26, her original plan. When she contacted Kaidan, he asked if she wanted a lift to which she agreed to. Not only was her ankle feeling the amount of walking and jogging she’d done, but her injury to her side (a bruise combined with a pulled muscle from heaving herself up a ledge after the ladder she was on threatened to give way) also wasn’t making her life any easier. As much as she wanted to put on an act, she wasn’t one to be dishonest if she was barely functioning. That led to her leaning against the wall with her right foot crossed over her left, arms crossed loosely to show disinterest to anyone that passed - not that anyone did in that quiet hour.

A nice hot water bottle against her side would be wonderful whilst she sipped on a warm cup of cocoa or green tea, snuggling up to Kaidan on the sofa beneath a blanket, watching a film whilst waiting for the painkillers to kick in so she could sleep for a few hours.

The thought itself made her yawn.

When Phoenix opened her eyes again from her yawn, she straightened and lowered her arms. Walking towards her was the very sentinel she had been waiting for. She saw Kaidan grin and she smiled back, she noted his small jog towards her and she walked towards him. Her physical pain was still in her way, undoubtedly from doing too much so soon, but her heart was warm and soul full of pure, unadulterated love and joy. And when Kaidan stood in front of her, roughened palms cupping her cheeks, her smile widened. He was warmer than her like always, a radiator in comparison, and she had almost forgotten how much taller than her he was - she had to tilt her head up to look at him.

She’d almost forgotten how beautiful his eyes were. Warm and comforting, golden flecks reflecting beneath the brighter lighting, honeyed gaze breathtaking. His smile was just as sweet, the thin scar curving sweetly at his almost boyish grin. Phoenix reached her hand up, thumb gently running beneath his lower lip before her fingertips followed the contour of his cheekbone.

Phoenix stood on her tiptoes, her free arm loosely draped over his shoulder. Kaidan pressed his forehead to hers, noses touching for a moment before they shared a kiss for a moment too long to be considered chaste. She gently lowered herself again, far too aware of the return of pain that stretched the height of her side, and shifted her weight to her left leg.

She sent Kaidan a questionable look as he stood to her right, knees bending ever so slightly. “What are you doing?” She felt his arm against the back of her knees and she swallowed. “Oh no. Please - Kaidan!” She screeched and her arms flung around his neck when he picked her up. She stared at the floor for a moment before his quiet laugh forced her to look at him with mild disdain. “Excuse me, good Sir, but pray tell, what are you doing?”  
  
“I parked at the other end.” She smiled at Kaidan’s statement. “I can put you down if you like?”  
  
“No, no. It’s fine.” Phoenix nestled her head against his shoulder, fingers absentmindedly running through the very ends of his hair. The gentle pulse of biotic energy was pleasant and the rhythmic action was soothing as Kaidan began to walk again. “You’re comfortable. And I missed you.”

She noted the way he smiled and he pressed a quick kiss to her forehead. It was these small moments that she cherished, these moments that they never dared to have three years ago. Small memories they never made. Phoenix never got to see him like this, a complete dork, a romantic. She couldn’t see Staff-Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko carrying her across a car park or kissing her anywhere that wasn’t secret and a stolen second of time. Nor could she imagine him smirking and openly flirting.

She didn’t hate it and it brought far more smiles and laughter than she thought it would. It was a comfort she cherished. And one she’d never wish to lose.

The present was what mattered most. Nothing could take the present away.


End file.
